Friday, November 22, 2013
Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am: A Hookers History of Vaginal Politics, Sex and Money (Part One)

With a hearty Hi Yo Silver and a Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am…your off to the races at the famed Mustang Ranch in Nevada. Rope yourself a flesh pot filly and you too can be a stallion ready to mount the mare of your choice! Ok, a bit romanticized but then again, it’s a bordello as we say in polite company, but, mostly we degenerates call it what it is..a whore house. You can dress it up anyway you like in a frilly semantic dress and try to pass it off as Eliza Doolittle but underneath it’s still atomic thighs and nuclear vaginas ready to lock and load your Robert Goddard Rocket.

(image source: http://bit.ly/AQmIQ)

Prostitution has a history that goes back at least to the ancient Sumerians. I always wanted to spend summer in Sumeria, and now I know why. The land of milk and honey dripping caverns to be spelunked and explored. Prostitution was not only an accepted practice, but in some instances considered sacred..I know I still consider it that. Also, not all prostitutes were female, as many a boy toy were also used as temple prostitutes so homosexual and bi-sexual prostitution was rampant and on a rampage…the lord and the gods do work in mysterious ways eh? I was raised a Catholic but am reformed and clean now like a 12 step program free from deformed dogma…If the Catholic church would only have hookers for nuns..I may go to high mass again..for “sacred” reasons of course and to cop a holy feel under the garments…I wonder if nuns wear underwear? I’d like to find out. 

Prostitutes were honored in these ancient societies and in fact were worshipped in some cases along with the deities that represented them. Even in ancient Israel, prostitution was common, although not legal..they turned the other cheek so to speak while someone was spreading the harlots cheeks to re-enact the parting of the Red Sea of Sex. A real come from behind oy vay victory for Moses! The heat of Jewish sexual activity is probably where the story of the burning “bush” originated!

The Babylonians considered prostitution sacred as well, and in the culture it thrived. Each woman had to go to the sanctuary of Aphrodite and have sex with a foreigner at least once her life. By doing this she was showing a sign of hospitality and welcome for a price. Now that is one Welcome Wagon that I would hitch my horse too..also…all you Chamber of Commerce directors..get on the band wagon and show some REAL hsopitality…Babylonian Style!

(image source: http://bit.ly/58o67k)

 In Canaan, most of the temple prostitutes were male, as they were in Phoenecian culture to honor the Goddess Ashtart…c’mon…ash “Tart’..I guess that is where that phrase came from..and to come is a verb! The practice spread throughout the Mediterranean and as far as Asia. One biblical character said “Go and find the lay of the land…” now I know what he meant..he wanted hookers and plenty of them…boys, girls, camels..it didn’t matter. In the Old Testament in the book of Testicles, the Male was on top…in the New Testament, the book of Vaginesse, the Female was on top. one turned the other cheek and the other was “a boink for a boink!”

Hookers would, as they do today in Spokane on Division Street as you begin to penetrate the city, stood by the side of the road with her face covered…that meant only one thing to the traveler or lecherous temple priest..SEX baby for a few drachma’s you can get to heaven on earth and end the drought of temple worship and study! Of course if you travel to the Middle East today or see a Middle Eastern female in America with her face covered…don’t touch her dials..it doesn’t mean the same as it did…but you can still undress her in your mind, I don’t think Mohammed would mind very much..just your little secret.

(Image source: http://bit.ly/16TH5NF)

Most of these prostitutes we’re paid in sheep and goats as they were expensive and were the currency of the realm in most cases. and a high price at that in an ag society. Wealthy herders could whoop it up all day long but a small shepard could only afford a hand job probably. If a traveller had no cattle he had to give some kind of deposit and return with a small herd animal. Beware of Greeks bearing gifts..especially a sheep! 

Prostitutes were used as spies in biblical times as they were favorite pastimes of the military and an army can’t live on food alone you know. She could go in, use her sexual prowess to gain a goat or two and obtain valuable information for the hapless commanders opponent on the field…so in effect..who really got fucked in this situation?

Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Amazon Women: Fact or Fiction – The Xena Factor

Take a cup of female domination, add a heaping hymen tablespoon of labia laden lesbian fantasies to excite the eroticism in male and female alike, then add a delicious dash of a sexy female warrior in a leather loincloth with a dripping wet crotch, and you have the recipe of for perfect Amazon Queen.

The Amazon Warrior has been a large piece of the fabric of the sexual imagination for centuries. Some guys fantasize about having their ass kicked by one, while some females develop girl crushes on these mighty women as adulation and admiration grows in the camps of both genders who passionately place them on a pedastal as the ultimate woman and Goddess! Yes, the Amazon is part Goddess and many tales of goddesses of Greek and Roman mythology exemplify their strength, beauty and in some cases proficiency in war. 

(Image source: http://bit.ly/q1w1bs)

The Amazon has pervaded pop culture in may guises from Wonder Woman on the small screen to the modified version as the modern day femme fatale of the big screen, Laura Croft Tomb Raider. For a healthy dose of tongue in chic and tongue in cheek, who can resist the campy charm of parody presented in the film “Amazon Women From the Moon!” 

The sexiest example of “pop goes the Amazon culture” however, is the fetching Xena, Warrior Princess in her erection causing leather loincloth, and super thighs to kill for. Her somewhat “submissive to Xena” girl wonder, Gabrielle helps Xena not only win the day in battle but, also helps to groom her mentors hair lovingly stroking it in a somewhat sensuous manner,  and keeps Xena’s sword sheath well oiled and slippery. Nothing like a well greased sheath to accept the deep penetration of a long, broad sword after the sexual heat and fury of battle! Gabrielle also looks after her other “needs” and vice versa. That’s what warrior friends are for. Lets face it…when it comes to genital stimulation for males and females…Xena is a temptress with a raging inferno between her thighs guaranteed to raise an erection as formidable as the Walls of Jericho, and cause a monsoon drenching in even the driest vaginal region. Surfs Up! It’s high tide at Vagina Beach! 

Image source: http://bit.ly/12TgkT5)

Before Wonder Woman slipped into her red hot red boots and Xena made the leather loincloth a fashion statement to pant for, there is the real story behind Amazon women…the reality behind the fiction and myth. Were there actually tribes of Amazons who men feared? The answer is a resounding YES! Although Wonder Woman and Super Girl made their debut in pages of comic books, the first mention in literature of this delicious blend of femininity and aggression goes far back in history to the time of Alexander the Great and Herodotus. 

Amazons, most associated with the ancient Greeks were known as “Oiorpata” (Bull Busters?) and were a nation of all-female warriors that dwelt according to written accounts in a region which today is modern Ukraine. There are also accounts of similar tribes of warrior women in what is today Libya. Ancient writings have shed light on Amazon queens. Leaders such as Penthesilea who fought in the Trojan War.(The War of Prophyllacticus?) and also Hippolyta who was the object of one of the labors of Hercules.He had to steal her girdle! Honest! One mans labor is another mans, or woman’s pleasure. Nothing like a good girdles snatching to enliven the panty raid party.

(Image source: http://bit.ly/1cDCRb3)

Amazons in ancient art abound on scrolls and wall depictions doing battle with Greek and Roman armies and winning everytime.There was so much of this art that it became it’s own genre known as amazonomachy and includes marbel bas-reliefs as seen in the Parthenon and in sculptures and various statuary.  

Men were not permitted to have sexual encounters or even live in Amazon territory accept as captured slaves for domesticity kept as you would cattle and other livestock. They would perform domestic chores, work in the fields and were used once a year for breeding purposes for procreation sex by their captors in order to keep the Amazon culture and race alive. The male children were either killed or sent back to the fathers own tribe. The girls were kept and brought up by their mothers and trained in hunting and the art of war. In war Amazon women preferred not to kill the enemy men but take them as slaves. However, should they want to marry, that was another story altogether. The Amazon could marry one of her male slaves, but, first as a form of a pre-nuptial agreement…they had to kill a male in battle first! Just knowing she had done that to tie the knot (literally!) would keep her slave husband in line don’t you think?

The Amazon legacy is alive and well today..in..yep, you guessed it..Ukraine! A modern day Amazon named Katerina Tarnovska heads up a group of Amazons called Asgarda. They all share the singular belief that the Amazons are the direct ancestors of Ukranian women! They have thier own form of martial arts called Hopak but the emphasis today is more on self defense then busting balls for the sake of busting balls. In Turkey, they have unearthed artifacts such as shields and other military supposedly used by the race of Amazons when they ruled that region, and today the Turks have constructed an Amazon Village and museum for academic as well as tourism reasons. For real dominant fun for the male and female submissive there is the annual Amazon Festival in the town of Terme to celebrate the legacy of this warrior tribe.Have fun and let Xena kick your ass boys and girls…Gabriella approves!

Monday, November 18, 2013
Ponygirls and Ponyboys: Get a Horse!

Today “ponyplay” or humans involved in animal role play has grown in popularity as people discover the sexuality of ponyplay. Ponygirls and today, ponyboys, are being added as more and more Dominant females are getting involved which for a long time was a Dominant man’s sport only. Generally, only ponygirls were harnessed and used. Today, ponyboys are more popular as more Females take the lead so to speak and tame and break their males to serve them.

It’s not only the new peoples sport, but there is a festival in California called the Folsom Street Fair that has been around for sometime now where human pony owners can parade their human ponies down the street to the delight of onlookers as the ponies prance proudly for their “masters and mistresses”. They are bridled and adorned with plumage for dressage and many if not all will also be displayed with a full ponytail which drapes behind the magnificent beast of burden affixed to the “animal” by a simple butt plug.

The ponies are involved in contests for show and perform as ponies showing off their equine skills by stomping their feet and obeying on command with a crack of a riding crop to kneel and heel and lift their legs high in a display of horseflesh tamed and trained in one of a few categories. There are the male and female cart ponies who pull their owners and guests around in carts or sulkies, and can also be raced in such a fashion against other cart ponies of either or both sexes. This requires a large outdoor area or tract of land. Some who own cart ponies own acreage with out buildings such as a stable or barn and the human ponies are kept locked in stalls as if they were actual horses and as such are fed in troughs, sleep on straw, and are cared for as real pony pets. Some owners also have corrals set up where they may keep real horses and will also put their human ponies in the corral with the other horses to better acclimate themselves to the role they are now assuming.

For the more urban owner with a home or apartment there are riding ponies which can be ridden on all fours or on the shoulders called “shoulder riding” The all fours pony can be outfitted with saddle and bit and can be ridden by any dominant cowboy or cowgirl in the privacy of the home. 

(Image source: http://bit.ly/16XVMOe)

One of the growing fields is that of the “show pony” who are trained in dressage skills and wear elaborate harnesses, plumes and exotic butt plug tails and are shown at pony shows for prizes much as you would at a dog show where they are rated on presentation, peformance and above all obidience. These human animals or humanimals are transported to shows in actual horse trailers and are kept tethered inside. As for the cart ponies owned by the landed gentry, they have hitching posts they tie them too near the front porch. The pony is trained to be docile and still while in tethered position.

Pony girls and boys are often used in that scenario to pull guests around for entertainment, pleasue and sport and wagering on races is not uncommon. Others are raced without carts as one would at a horserace with your humanimal competing against other trained ponies.A pony pet earns awards and ribbons and as any prized animal it increases it’s value come auction or sales time if you wanted to put your pet on the open market, and in the case of the cart pony kept in a stable, they are producers of manure for the garden as well. 

Ponygirls are also being used more often these days as “breeders” where they can be mated with a human stud pony and their “colt” can then be sold to a childles couple who desire to adopt a baby of their own. The human mare will not only give birth but feed the “colt” until it is time to cut it loose. The bonus in this situation is the mare has begun lactation and can be milked for personal use and she now serves double duty as a “cow” 

Human ponies require no clothing but they do need to have bridles and bits and tails. Some are more elaborately dressed with hard latex “hooves” that fit on the feet as would a pair of shoes, except in this case, they are “horseshoes”. You can also apply breast leashes on each breast that the driver can use to pull on for the mare to turn right or left, and of course, the riding crop is essential for not only training but for cart pulling when you want it to gallop or pick up the pace. The butt plug can come in many styles and colors for your horseflesh to show her or him off in style. 

Pony pets in popular culture are just now taking a foothold but there some examples in the past that shed some light on the subject such as the documentary film, “Pony Passion” produced in England in 2003 along with another they produced in 2005 titled, “Born in a Barn” One classic scene is from the 1940′s Spencer Tracy – Ingrid Berman film, “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” where Mr. Hyde in a dream sequence has Bergman pulling a carriage and the photography alludes to her being completely nude as she strains at the carriage while being whipped by her “Master” in one of the more erotic scenes of the Golden Age of Hollywood.

Human ponies first got their start as far as history can tell us in the age of ancient Rome where the rich owned slaves and would have them tied to their carts and carriages as a mode of transportation. They were also kept in barns and stables with other animals until needed for transportation and sport. These were mainly ponyboys to do the harder labor while the Female slaves were kept in the home and for punishment would be used as outdoor ponies.

In colonial America where slavery flourished in the new world, the slaves were used for manual labor and sport as well. The Masters would also give animal names sometimes to their slaves as you would name a dog or horse. Many also wore neck collars and tags as did thier other pets and the slaves treated as domesticated livestock, branded, bridled and haltered.

(Image source: http://bit.ly/16XVMOe)

British Colonialism also made use of human ponies as they conquered lands in Asia would use them as horses for their personal carriages as late as the 1840′s! Some of these pet humans were paraded in the streets, chained in stables and forced to eat grass as though it was the natural state of affairs for these hapless slaves in captivity. In todays pony play, it may be subtle displays in public such as the Female stroking her males cheek to simulate the stroking of the hair on her pet horse, or he or she is made to wear a choke chain in public for a more non-subtle approach. 

Those madcap Victorians once again, prove that sexual repression has it’s repercussions in the release of sexual frustration, and once the genii was let out of the bottle, there was no stopping it. There are many photographs of the era regarding pony play and one fact that stands out is that many Females became intriqued with the concept of Domination, and especially in the Domination of other Females so pony play had now entered the realm of latent lesbianism or at the very least, bi-sexual role play with the added dimension of owning not only another Female but a Female Humanimal as well. 

Many Victorian women with means would have one or two Female ponies they owned and would train as cart ponies on the estate. In private ownership, the Female Dominant kept her ponygirl completely nude, but on ocassion there were guests involved of both sexes. So in thsi case, Victorian slave ponygirls wore bulky clothing to hide any hint of sexuality as they concealed all those delicious curves and well endowed breasts.

In effect they were hiding the sexual animal that dwelt within. Many of the ponygirls in the older vintate Victorian photographs show them wearing clothing a lot of the time with huge bustles protruding from their behinds.

These were worn to hide the butt plugs if in a somewhat public showing for guests so as not to arouse the males of the species any more than necessary. In the case of ponygirls owned by Male Dominants, they as were usually kept completely nude for their beast of burden chores and play. 

In the early 20th Century there is suggestive animal role play, equine primarily, as was seen on the stage in early burlesque and exotic dance where performers wore fancy plumage and horsehead costumes and perform as a stripping horse to bare all while wearing head and tail to the delight of human audiences. This no doubt led to private horse play in the home now that the public at large had a taste of the action on the stage and wanted to stage their own role play with a partner, sometimes willing, sometimes not as bondage was also part and parcel of the procedure in many cases. 

Non-sexual animal role play,  is apparent in many tribal cultures where members of the tribe assume the role of animals physically and spiritually. American Indian and Arctic tribes practiced this as an art and cultural form and has been recorded and depicted in the cave drawings and paintings and later some Cheyenne tribes were photographed performing animal dance and rituals at the turn of the 20th Century. 

While the pony pet finds sexual gratification in it’s role, the partner finds equal satisfaction in it’s role as rider, trainer, owner, and in some cases, the animals breeding partner. Quoting from the British “Human Role in Animal Role Play – The principal theme of animal roleplay is usually the voluntary transformation of a human being to animal status, and focus on the altered mind-space created. The most common examples are canine (pup, dog, wolf), felines (cat, kitten, lion) or equines  such as pony or horse. Animal roleplay is also used in a BDSM context, where a person may be humiliated by being treated as an animal.In psychodrama, animal roleplay may be used for a person to explore their personality, as a form of role reversal.”

The nude pony pet became more common and accepted in the 1970′s. It was the age of freedom of expression expressly expressed in the protest laden Sixties. Equal Rights, Human Rights, Civil Rights and Womens Rights. Now it was time for Humanimal Rights and the right to display your ponygirl and ponyboy in a state of complete nudity and in public for persual and competition. 

 

Today, ponyplay has gone mainstream in the undercurrent of the BDSM crowd. Massive display parades such as the Folsom Street Fair, pony pets for sale online, and a whole industry has mushroomed to supply the new cowboys and cowgirls with fancy and exotic butt plug tails, plumage, gags, bits, bridles, harnesses and carriages and carts. It’s a return to an earlier time when you could hear the voice of the people yell out as the automobile age started it’s engine to change the world…GET A HORSE!

Wednesday, October 16, 2013
History of Sex & Sensuality : Those Inflatable Dames and Latex Lovers

 Inflatable dolls? You betcha! Along with an astounding variety of rubberized vaginas, there are inflatable for the ladies with manly rubber men sporting an exciting array of genitalia in many shapes and sizes in an exotic rainbow of racial colors to get you off and running at the romance races while enjoying a discreet romantic evening of self gratification and heavenly masturbation. Of course, both female and male inflatable have no gender preference. It’s the human element that is the deciding factor. It’s not always about male and female, female and male.

Hell no, anyone can enjoy a good inflatable romp with a rubber mate of either gender under the sheets.Human girl on rubber girl and human male on rubber male, it’s all the same to the Invincible Inflatable! (I imagine there are menage a trois involving a human and two inflatable, or perhaps two humans with one inflatable.

(image source: bit.ly/GNbaTW)

Yes, I know it gets confusing as the combinations can be staggering to the less imaginative among us!) You can even dress one up in an apron and refer to it as your Rubber Maid to serve the lord and lady of the masturbation manor. Just as vulva placement is important on the flesh and blood female, the inflation valve location on Latex Lucy and Latex Lenny can also be a real deal maker or breaker, but, can also add to the frolic and fun with your new rubber playpal. Remember in the film “Airplane” where the automatic pilot deflates and gets one hell of a blow job from the stewardess as she kneels between his legs to “inflate” him? Now that is service above and beyond. “Coffee, Tea or a Faux Blow!” I feel strongly however, that the only real possibility for valve placement on the male inflatable is the rubber penis extension. This not only serves a utilitarian purpose to pump up your man, but gives you plenty of oral practice to keep the mouth and tongue in tip top shape and ready to tackle the real thing at a moments notice like a real Olympic pro.

The Female Inflaty is more challenging as there are more options for sexy placement of the valve. There is of course, the one and most popular vaginal possibility, but then again there also two nipples to choose from inflatable breasts, and for the foot fetishist, there is always the big toe valve placement that will create a sensation more profound than a spiked heel slamming down on a footies back.

(Image source: http://bit.ly/1gqmBhf)

 Some inflatables will accommodate strap-on action as well for a real 8-second ride at the orgasm rodeo while the human female does a little bronco busting of it’s own on the helpless rubber male or female of her choice the human male however can use the real deal to achieve the same result with out fear of mechanical error. Sort of mechanical bull ride on something soft and cushy! Giving head or giving tails to a Barbie or Ken inflatable impersonator is not new…it has roots going back to the age of the Ancient Mariner or at least to the age of French and Spanish seamen with plenty of semen along who preferred a female companion over walking the plank, unless they it was the plank of the guy in the next berth who started to look good after three months at sea, see?

Keel hauling was also popular but not every keel wanted to be hauled or violated. Remember, these were the same 16th Century adventurers who saw sea lions as mermaids and fell in delusional love with ocean going mammals. Sea lion loins cannot compete with the real deal of the human female. As the ocean filled with jaunty seafaring manly men, certain needs arose in time that required immediate attention. Physical companionship in the bunk beds down below. There is a reason obviously why the refer to the bathroom aboard ship as the “head” as I am sure a lot of private penis practicality was rampant there with proficiency and practicality as the driving force.

Also, is it no wonder that just when the sailor put women out of his mind for a time, he would spot a spouting whale in the waves emitting a large discharge from what is appropriately called a “blowhole”  and great choruses of “That She Blows!” would bellow forth form the assembled multitudes aboard ship. Also aboard ship it’s not advisable to turn your back on a horny shipmate and expose your stern while taking a bow! Einstein came up with theory of relativity and Dr. Goddard is forever linked with modern day rocketry, but what French or Spanish inventor is linked to the latex lovemakers of today? No one knows for sure but someone decided to make them in order to pass the long voyage with artificial vaginas.

(image source: bit.ly/pQ0XPy)

These fake females were called the dame de voyage in French and dama de viaje in Spanish. These were made usually of sewn cloth or old clothing over straw or other materials. Not only the forerunner of today’s rubber foreplay pals, but also direct descendants of the Scarecrow in the Wizard Oz just as the Tin Man is the basis and model for today’s Dildo! Think about it..no wonder Dorothy wanted to oil his joints so they were in good working order! These famed “dames” proliferated on the Seven Seas while adulation followed ejaculation and they entered the annals of ocean going pop culture. Similarly, the Nazi’s provided the more modern sex dolls during WWII when prostitutes could not be secured for the purpose. It was called the Borg-Hild project…hence the term, Heil Hymen! Remember there was a sex toy doll named Lilli who entertained the troops and was very lifelike, but only a foot or so tall so making it with here would have been like boinking a Barbie…or Ken…not that there’s anything wrong with that. No wonder on D-Day the Nazi’s were caught with their pants down! I can see it now…made for TV…the Bravo Channel…how rubber sex toys won the war. While the Allies were storming the beach, the storm troopers were getting their rocks off with Patty Playpal!

The first mention of manufactured sex dolls made their bedroom stage debut around the first decade of the 20th Century. Iwan Block wrote in his book, The Sexual Life of Our Time, “In this connection we may refer to fornicatory acts effected with artificial imitations of the human body, or of individual parts of that body. There exist true Vaucansons in this province of pornographic technology, clever mechanics who, from rubber and other plastic materials, prepare entire male or female bodies, which, as hommes or dames de voyage, subserve fornicatory purposes. More especially are the genital organs represented in a manner true to nature. Even the secretion of Bartholin’s glans is imitated, by means of a “pneumatic tube” filled with oil. Similarly, by means of fluid and suitable apparatus, the ejaculation of the semen is imitated. Such artificial human beings are actually offered for sale in the catalogue of certain manufacturers of ”Parisian rubber articles.” Leave it to the French to mass produce them and one that actually cums! Let’s face it, even Sears never offered those for sale to the farmers in Nebraska.

“Martha, say, I’ve been working mighty hard in the cornfields these days and pretty tuckered out when the sun goes down and the cows come home, so what say I order you one of these mechanical men for you to take care of certain needs I know you must have.”

Hell, you can vote now thanks to the Suffrage Movement and I know you have a whole movement going on down below betwixt your legs that needs taking care of too. Seein’ as I’m too tired we can order us up a “farmhand” to give us a hand in bed. It’s right here in the Sears catalogue and hear that the Mormon feller down the road has four of ’em! If you like it, what the hell, I may give it a spin myself’ in the barn where no one can see!” By the 1970′s, yes, the Disco Era simulated sexual partners morphed once again technologically and were now made of vinyl, latex and silicone, the silicone was the ballbuster ingredient as it provided not only artistic merit but lifelike realism in the bargain. Hell, if you had a choice, look at some of the facelift jobs of today. Some women and men, celebrity types trying to remain young have had so many facelifts they have an unreal appearance about them, doll like almost in nature. Silicone breast implants have replaced the real thing so they are indeed the equal of a weapons of mass masturbatory destruction.

The sex dolls of today are actually more lifelike than some humans, more attractive, and you don’t have to buy it dinner or take it to a movie to get to the foreplay stage to score a homerun at her home plate. The female of the species doesn’t have to play hard to get or listen to second rate come-on lines all night long..just give that silicone pecker a tug, lay it down on it’s inflatable back and hop aboard the latex love train.All you have to do is fill his extender with the oil of your choice and make him come until your hearts content. If he starts to deflate..you know where his valve it so grab hold tight and blow!

Wednesday, October 9, 2013
History of Sex & Sensuality: The Trojan Horse: Helen of Troy’s Condom of Joy!

There is an old saying..Be Wise and Rubberize! The Greeks caught Troy off guard by leaving a large hollow wooden horse, known affectionately by Greeks as The Trojan Horse, outside the city walls of Troy as a gift.. and you know the old saying.”Beware of Greeks Bearing gifts!” Especially if it’s a large wooden horse stuffed full of Greek warriors hidden inside ready to emerge from the belly of the horse once inside the walls of the fortress city. 

(Image source: http://bit.ly/5qXax)

The mighty Trojan Condom, like the Trojan Horse, is waging battle today against the twin cities of Syphilis and Gonorrhea who attempt to break down the fornication fortress walls of Jericho! Joshua may blow his horn to get the job done, but in lieu of a good blow job you can scale the wall of Fortress Vagina safely with an army of one dressed in a latex suit of armor worthy of the Knights of the Round Table. While your mighty high tensile prophylactic encased Excalibur is ready to plunge and thrust,  the battle of the orgasm is completed and the victorious vagina releases its depleted yet willing prisoner. Penis envy and vagina vanity working hard in a groin to groin symphony of orchestrated orgasm working up to a crashing crescendo and climax.

Today the condom is fighting a more frightening battle…the war against HIV/AIDS that infects hetero- and homosexual alike. Rural communities and urban communities are not immune from this deadly communicable medical malady. The venerable venereal disease factor has been with humankind since the first Neanderthal discovered more than fire and the wheel. This time..it was “fire in the hole!” and the “fire down below!” Grunt, ugh, and damn! The Ice Age probably acted like a cold shower in a whorehouse and put a damper for a time on hormonal driven sexual high-jinx but then..the glaciers eventually receded and those age old urges returned with a vengeance and caves everywhere became carnal party central as Cro-Magnon men and women pushed the envelope once again in a procreation marathon of Mastodon proportions.

The mighty condom..Protector and latex propeller to drive safely into the chasm of orgasm. Was it always thus and so? Thrust and so? I don’t know if someone rubbed two ribbed sticks together or if while foraging some hapless homosapien haphazardly had this epic and euphoric epiphany and exclaimed in perfect cave lingo…Eureka! I found it! The Caveman Condom, the illegitimate spawn of sperm and sex. Was it a happy mistake that allowed ejaculation elation..to foster pleasure over procreation? 

The earliest known use in ancient civilizations of condom use appear on Prehistoric cave walls in France dated to be 15,000 years old..in prophylactic years which is similar to dog years except more bark then bite. As humankind became more civilized, the Greeks, Egyptians and Romans had one philosophy in common….birth control was the females responsibility! This resulted in the use of amulets…not effective..and anal sex…effective but lacking somehow in face to face.  

(Image source: http://bit.ly/1bvD5Sj)

Hippocrates developed the “pessary” which is a ringed device to insert in the vagina to prevent infection..he used pomegranates soaked in wine in their construction as both pomegranates and wine were plentiful, and delicious I might add and probably more so after marinating the sauce of sex…ah..Hippocrates…no Hippocratic Oaf he!

Later in Europe condoms were developed from chemically treated linen and prior to that during the Roman Empire they were made of animal bladder and intestines.It wasn’t until the 19th Century that condoms made their penis appearance..standing room only The oldest condoms ever found, probably used were made from animal tissue and found during an excavation of a castle in England probably rom the year 1642…no idea if it belonged to Robin Hood and his band of merry men…

Most history of the condom were destroyed in archives when the Catholic Church rose to power and regarded any form of birth control sacrilegious. Vast medical libraries were destroyed from Constantinople to the British Isles. Also decimated were the medical writings of the Jews and Arabs who also used condoms as a form of birth control. I don’t understand the problem…even now the church as a pope named “Bend-A-Dick!”

During the 15th Centuries China used condoms made from silk paper. Then of course the ever popular prophylactics Made in Japan were fashioned from tortoise shell and animal horns! The first outbreak of major proportions of venereal disease was among the French fighting forces of the late 15th Century. While Columbus was busy on his voyage in 1492…the madcap French were fucking their way across the continent screwing everything in sight. Disease broke out and it spread through Europe and Asia and killing large populations of China in it’s deadly wake.

(Image source: http://bit.ly/ay7lbL)

It was time now for a condom “come” back..no pun intended. It was inevitable..as it beat disease…unwanted pregnancy and anal sex, although the Catholic popes had their masses taking it in ass for centuries. Finally the world woke up and told the Pope to kiss their ass! In America venereal disease decimated native tribes when the Spanish spread catholicism and gonorrhea in equal amounts, and after a long history that led to the formation of America from colonial to industrial power…the Industrial Revolution made it possible to mass produce the little suckers and keep the costs low so low income immigrants and locals could afford to stem the flow of sperm that resulted in overcrowded tenements making life tenuous at best. 

Latex came riding to the sexual rescue when it was developed. It was stronger..cheaper to manufacture and could fit as snug as a rug on Donald Trumps head. It was utilitarian at best but soon the hipster and prankster that is part and prophylactic parcel of the American psyche started designing them with ribs for maximum stimulation to turn the sex act into a combined vagina-penis demolition derby of erotic collision. Orgasm achieved when both “vehicles” ran out of gas and the penis had ejected it’s fuel reserves and it’s tires went flat…meanwhile the female vehicle was still redlining and the throttle wide open until it settled from a roar to a purr. It was time now for the pit crew to come in and remove the latex wreckage and clear the track! 

Today ,there are colored condoms, edible condoms in a variety of flavors including tuna but that is probably my imagination and is actually naturally occurring but still makes me feel like I’m aboard ship on Deadliest Catch! Some are ribbed, and others are ticklers to tickle her fancy, and they fit snug as a containment field more secure than a radioactive nuclear plants protective shell…and when the penis explodes…there is no radiation..just radiance and euphoria with a pack of cigarettes nearby. 

(Image source: http://bit.ly/cOA31z)

In fact in Amsterdam shops sell everything from bottom pleasing riding crops to bridles and saddles to harness that ponygirl in training, as well as forced maid costuming and a dazzling array of bondage and discipline and they are everywhere. Absolute Danny is a orgasmic must see on your genital tour of Amsterdam. It’s the Fort Knox of vaginal weaponry and includes the atomic bomb of self gratification, the amazing Tarzan Dildo. Condomerie, one of the oldest and largest erection emporiums in town has every conceivable size, shape and style of penis wear finery to be found in Europe. They have an explosive rainbow selection of colors and hues, and when it comes to varietals of condom flavors it’s the Baskin Robbins of Latex. 

So batten down your hatches gentlemen, suit up and get ready to go into space..not exactly the final frontier, and you don’t need warp speed, in fact I discourage that whole heartedly. When it rains you put on a rain coat..and when it rained when you were a kid..your mom always got you ready for school with these words of wisdom…”Don’t Forget Your Rubbers!” Little did she know…or did she? If you get lucky and find your closet of condoms is empty…there’s always anal sex…when in Rome do as the Romans did!

Monday, October 7, 2013
History of Sex & Sensuality: Welcome to the Burly-Q: Rimshots, Runways and Risque Strippers!

Welcome to the Burly-Q! Tantalizing and tittilaing entertainment that has been a staple of American va-va-voom fun and frolic since the days before rimshots, runways and broken down comedians. It’s a T & A art form that has deep roots in the world of vaudeville which exploded with megatonage at the turn of the century, but before butts and those monumental mountains of cleavage, we’ll see that it’s sexual seeds were planted long before we had sexy implants. 

When the Pilgrims invaded the New World with decimating diseases like syphilis  their musical culture also came along to remind them of home sweet home in the land of persecution which in turn led to the implant of Puritanical thought such as covering up those fine bouncy native indian maiden breasts while also introducing the Missionary Position in what can only be described as the Readers Digest version of the Kama Sutra. In the place of sex, they played lutes and flutes and somewhere a guitar was transformed into a banjo Americans developed over time and new customs were developed and incorporated until the old ways disappeared and new music and dances were introduced and we now had the “hoe down” where the whole town emerged and they came from nearby towns as well to join in and participate in the entertainment around the village campfire.

Eventually the Manifest Destiny of James Monroe had the country on a binge of westward expansion and soon small towns cropped up. Snake oil salesmen set up traveling medicine shows with dancers, singers, sharpshooters and jugglers to help soften the masses before fleecing them of their hard earned greenbacks. Eventually the town wanting to show it was all class built their own Opera House where visiting singers would warble and charm the frontier psyche’s most notably was Lily Langtree who was known far an wide across the expanse of the Old West. This in turn led to other “celebrities” going “on tour” 

 In the midwest on the river of Mark Twain the riverboats were havens for gambling and drinking along with singing and dancing, some of it risque where women with full skirts would lift it up so the men would whoop it up with the first sign of female flesh in the form of thigh and a hint of what lay just below the navel.

The riverboat shows soon added Minstrels and entertainers made up to look like “negroes” in the most grotesque exaggerated stereotypical makeup that was one part parody and two parts racism, but only whites were allowed to take to the stage. Never was make-up so hideous unless you take into account Betty Davis in “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane!”

Vaudeville was spawned from these entertainment shows from the bars and saloons loaded with drunks and soiled doves. By the time of the shootout at the OK Corral, the V-shows were proliferating throughout the United States and Canada. The shows pre-dating television variety shows to the Fifties and Sixties were composed of various entertainers and separate acts on a common bill. Singers, dancers, animals, magicians, minstrels and comedians. Vaudeville also had male and female impersonators, where gender bending had a Victorian flair about it and talked about in hushed tones.

(Image source: http://bit.ly/1bri5zw)

The very first theatrical vaudeville troupe emerged in 1871 in Louisville, Kentucky with the formation of the Leavitt and Sargent Show.

Unlike the raw traveling medicine shows and saloon buffoonery, these shows were meant to lend an air of respectability to entice the middle class to them..they had more money. Vaudevillians became the rock stars of their day and as one century ended and the new on begun cities and towns now sported vaudeville venues where the public came to the show and the shows were no longer itinerant intense. It was also soon after the turn of the century that motion pictures started up and the live act vaudeville houses were loosing money to the new medium so the vaudeville theaters turned into movie houses and showed the latest silent films until talkies were introduced. Curiously many vaudevillians found greater fame in film than on the circuit..Bert Lahr, Abbott and Costello, and the Mark Brothers to name a few. They also found concurrent fame in radio broadcasts as well. The new medium suited them just fine. 

The lesser of the acts who couldn’t cut the cinematic mustard found a niche playing the Catskill retreats in upstate New York, the so-called Borscht Belt while many just gave up altogether. Vaudeville influenced the new medium as well with the introduction of radio and television “variety” shows…one of those, meanwhile back where we started moments in time. These shows were hosted by the pioneers of television…Milton Berle in Uncle Miltie drag, Jackie Gleason, Sid Caesar and of course…Ed Sullivan..the Mt Rushmore of non-personality himself. Another example of influence can seen on the silver screen during the golden age of Hollywood when the “screwball comedy” ruled the roost as a result of vaudevilles comedy parodies of well known storylines from literature that were modified for boffo laughs!

 American burlesque was the inbred child offspring of the early 19th century vaudevillian era. It was part minstrel show and variety, but by the 1860′s they introduced lewd jokes and female striptease, or at least what passed as striptease after the Civil War. The early years of American burlesque were call “leg shows” and had been introduced in NYC as early as the 1840′s by troupes such as the British Blondes from Jolly Olde England and other traveling British shows getting a “leg up” so to speak. The first American troupe was formed in 1870 called the Female Minstrels, a feminized minstrel show in effect with elaborate costuming and the inclusion of raunchy male comedians. Part of the show also included boxing and wrestling matches…however not with females rolling around in the mud or in the squared circle..that came much later much to our delight!

 During the early part of the 20th century it became a compost pile of satirical performance, adult entertainment added to the nitrous mixture of stripping and comedy…rimshot comedians as a backdrop and filler to a runway filled with fan dancers and the promise of fleshy delights yet unseen. Burlesque blossomed like a teenagers budding breast and was mostly in cabarets, bars, music halls and theaters where luscious well endowed females would dance and prance to the delight of the penis patrons who enjoyed the exotic costumes, especially the part where they were removed. 

Burlesque at first was merely a more raucous form of vaudeville and variety shows. It was the stripping part that gave it a certain penile panache. It was saucy and sassy, and as it got more extreme…the moralists stepped in and tried to corral the rampant collapse of morality and the end of the world as they saw it.

It was right around the same time as Prohibition, and the government criminalization of marijuana. Coincidence? However…for every yin there is a yang…prior to Prohibition..the burlesque element of stripping was quite tame due to the times…alcohol yes, did fuel the rowdiness but did not remove clothing to anywhere near our sexual standards of today..so burlesque began to transform  as booze went underground, and stripping took a new turn to replace the alcohol rush and full scale stripping was off to the races…more skin was now being exposed than ever was seen than in any harem of white slave prostitutes..and on stage no less!!! 

It was also around this time that a film maker decided to film strip shows and acts in 1940 and sell the resultant films which in turn gave birth to camera clubs for soft porn and eventually pulp and sex magazines. It was the age of sex and exploitation films. The porn industry was born, thanks to the prohibition of Burlesque, much as Organized Crime was born from Prohibition. Ain’t moralists great? Sex, Vice and Violence..the three basic American Food Groups! 

It was now time for Burlesque to rocket to the moon and along with it create it’s own galaxy of superstars from whip wielding Betty Page, Tempest Storm, Lily St. Cyr, Gypsy Rose Lee, fan dancing Sally Rand, and Carol Doda. Silicone implants and Jello like gyrations, cleavage as deep as the Grand Canyon and bottoms as inviting as soft billowing pillows of fantastic fannies. It was a new age…..these women were about to set new T & A ground rules by tearing down the walls of sexual sex or ship and censorship and literally ready to  let it all amply hang out…topless was now the norm and bottomless all the rage…soon male strippers were introduced and we have the Chippendales today…porn on the web, and Youtube…go figure..next up holographic strippers..and Barbarella’s sex machine along with Burroughs Steely Dan Dildo burrowing in a soft a fertile garden of pubic delights…welcome back to the Burly-Q….you’ve come a long way baby and we’re glad to be along for the ride.

Monday, September 23, 2013
History of Sex & Sensuality Series: Deep Throat and Clitasauraus Rex!

The Atomic Age ushered in a nuclear nightmare, but on the other side of the yin yang coin, it also was ground zero for an explosive catalogue of wet dreams in the form of 8mm and super 8mm stag films that kept a low profile in the porn bunker before the revolution began in earnest. The pack was led by porn pioneers such as Russ Meyer and the litany of labia laden cinema is almost endless. It would be enough to keep Pee Wee Herman pounding away for a century.

The 8mm spawned a whole army of amateur cinematographers on both sides of the big pond. Usually casting their “masturbation masterpieces” with local sex workers, friends and in some cases, willing wives who were willing to put it all out there in the spirit of exhibitionism. We all have a little of that in us after all anyway so move over Desperate Housewives….or strip down and join the party!

Europe however had it’s own Declaration of Sexdependance and in 1969 (69? You’re kidding me..how appropriate!) pornography as porn was legalized in Denmark. Not unusual as it is one of the founding fathers of sex change procedures for those looking for a little gentle gender change in their lives. It wasn’t long until the Netherlands and Sweden followed suit and sex on film was now kosher! It was legal too. Money was easy to find and fund fornication films, top quality equipment could now be afforded which increased the overall quality of the films being offered. Best of all..it could now be mass produced for the masses and marketing of these products went where no other porn had gone before…profits!

In America the largely amateur productions were sold to what were called “camera clubs” and one of their biggest stars and the woman who jet propelled pornography to the xxx stratosphere was Betty Page..Queen of the Pin Ups!

(Image source: http://bit.ly/16TtfZx)

The camera clubs provided hot bondage photos by subscription only to circumvent the puritanical and outdated pornography laws that are as ludicrous as the marijuana prohibition laws. Give me pornography, or give me death! Yeah baby. Let’s hear three cheers for the land of the free where we were deprived of good old fashioned soft porn. I guess America was always in fear that a populous with a perpetual hard-on would attack Congress for a change, instead of Congress having the American citizen bend over forwards and take it in the ass every election.

Th films not only found a willing marketplace for their porn product but produced superstars of sex including Betty Page who attained the high priestess status of the Queen of Bondage. There were films taken of her in underwear, wielding whips, getting her ass spanked in some fantastic girl on girl action, and vice versa. In the early Fifties she appeared in over 50 short reel stag films as well as two movies, Strip-O-Rama and Varietease! The US Senate was famous in the Fifties for convening hearings on everything from commies under the bed sheets in the Beltway to sexual deviation, their term, not mine. Betty was called to testify and name names. She in effect told the senators to go fuck themselves, not her, by refusing to testify and refusing to name names. They were no match for her balls or her beauty and she was excused for any further action from Congress. I think the old birds just wanted a glimpse of Ms. Page to see if they could still get it up.

The first mass produced porn film in the US is debatable depending on who you talk to but most agree it was “Mona the Virgin Nymph” one hour of orgasm on overdrive released in 1970.

Bill Osco and Howard Ziehm who produced this prodigious porn piece broke the barriers one more time with “Flesh Gordon” Then there was Russ Meyer a connoisseur of large breasted women. He produced many a breast laden classic starting with “Vixen” released in 1968 was the tale of an oversexed vixen who sexually manipulates everyone she meets, including her brother in the Canadian wilderness which is appropriate as Canada is known for some of the finest beaver around! She ends up seducing her brother, another couple and a Mountie! Now theres a term that fits..Mount Up! The vaginal follow up to “Vixen” was “Super Vixen” ok..this could have been Speilberg and his penchant for Hebrews and Holocausts such as Schindlers List and Munich.

In “Super Vixens” a gas station attendant who works at the Martin Bormann’s Nazi Super Service in the desert is lusted after by all manner of mammary top heavy females…all with names that begin with the word “Super” his demanding wife, Super Angel constantly harasses him at home and hearth where he balls up eventually and as she is beating him he retaliates..as best as a wimp can under the circumstance..he heads to the bar afterwards and meets Super Haji while his wife seduces other men in town. One male who can’t perform the standing room only performance Super Angel demands results on a bar fisted fight that he eventually wins and as she is tossed into the bathtub he tosses a portable electric radio, plugged into the wall of course where her ample breasts sizzle and steam from the electric shock.

The first homosexual mainstream wet dream is “Boys in the Sand”, a parody of the “Boys in the Band” with Cliff Gorman and Lawrence Luckinbill.

“Boys in the Sand” was no beach blanket bingo with a gay cast which if it were would have to include an Annette Funicello female impersonator to pull it off. “Boys in the Sand” was pioneering in another respect..it was the first porn film to be reviewed by the venerable New York Times…take that walk on the wild side!.

Forget about Watergate when you hear the term “Deep Throat” starring the Clitasaurus Rex…Linda Lovelace! It was one of the first feature flesh films to actually have a plot to accompany the symphony of orchestrated orgasm and the groans and groins of ecstasy.

(Image source: http://bit.ly/4f0TzR)

Seems Ms. Lovelace can’t reach the finish line while trying to achieve orgasm on the quarter mile track so she is advised to visit a doctor who upon examination discovers that her clit is located in her throat..so practice makes perfect as she spends the “reel” time of the film giving oral dissertations to a variety of willing participants.and takes the art of swallowing to new heights..or depths in this case. If she worked at a 7/11 she would be the equivalent of a fuel injected Slurpee!

Other films with plots started to appear on the hymen horizon including Behind Closed Doors. Some films not so edgy and softer on the porn included “Lolita” about an underage nymphette school girl and an older man, “Therese and Isabelle” dealing with lesbian love and comedic offerings such as Priscilla Queen of the Desert, an Aussie down under so to speak farce about transvestites.

So take your pick…Door Number One for the washer and dryer? Door Number Two for the trip to Bermuda? Or will you try for Whats Behind the Green Door? I would if it’s Linda Lovelace waiting for her breakfast of champions and doesn’t talk with her mouth full. Ok…swallow. Good girl! Oh, and as for the Boys in the Sand..Good Boy!

Friday, September 20, 2013
History of Sex and Sensuality Series: Steely Dans Walk Like An Egyptian

It’s a vaginal history of self gratification that has culminated with an astounding array of orgasm and pleasure producing weaponry for women..sorry guys..your hand will have to do for now…or a gerbil if you lean forward in that erection direction.

Masturbation is not new but the delightful dildo has certainly earned its perch on the pleasure pedestal as the battery operated tech toy of choice for solo sexual symphonies of the hymen hit parade..giving the phrase Number One with a bullet new meaning.

Gyrating G-Spots acting as gardens that merely need their soil tilled by a Master Gardener or in this case a Masturbator. 

This litany of labia tweaking history had its start as near as I can tell in ancient Egypt. Supposedly Egyptian women would put buzzing bees in a cylindrical device and while the bee’s were buzzing happily would insert it into their own personal pyramid of sexuality and let the buzzing take them to the throne of the gods while in the throes of ecstasy. 

(Image source: http://bit.ly/193NjR)

I think it may have actually started in the garden of eden when Adam..all alone at first started whacking off until Eve walked into his life…they made love but Eve discovered he wasn’t that hot of a sex partner so diverted him with apples while she played with long, slinky snakes…the rest is history in the First Dildoic Period. 

The Neanderthals killed mastodons and anything with a horn on it of good size…not because they needed food so bad but wanted to get laid and a large tusk given to the Neanderthal woman of their dreams would push her over the cave dwelling wall and would in time thank him in a sexual way but not after first discovering her own “fire” in the mean time…cave man pulled on his own Cro-Magnon to get his Jurassic Rocks Off!

(Image source: http://bit.ly/QnmVP4)

During the Victorian age “female hysteria” was treated by doctors applying “pelvic massage” ok…masturbation techniques…once orgasm was achieved…the patient was cured..but..now hooked on vulvar stimulation..and if I were a woman I would be too.The doctors felt it had nothing to do with sex and was time consuming so gave up the treatment in time…the female patient however…had other ideas in mind for below the navel excitement and entertainment.

Those madcap French invented the first vibrator in the early 1700′s followed by a steam powered puppy invented by an American after the Civil War and one delicious device was designed as an aid to eating disorders at the turn of the 20th Century.

It’s hard to think of food while wiggling and giggling eh? Around the same time Hamilton Beach patented the first electric vibrator for consumer sale on the retail level..so the next time you fire up your Hamilton Beach Blender on high next time make sure you don’t break a sexual circuit.

(Image source: http://bit.ly/19k1IPu)

For your information..many great inventions were electrified in the early years of the century…in order..the sewing machine, the fan, the tea kettle, the toaster and in fifth position the housewives companion…the vibrator.I think I would have marketed a line called “The Roaring Twenties” where it would be so powerful you could to the Charleston from a prone position! 

The Sixties brought forth the cordless vibrator and was based on an early design for a flashlight designed in the 1930′s. I guess that was in case you wanted to see what was in your personal cave…journey to the center of the sexual earth with your own bullet shaped space ship to go where no man has gone before…although he has wanted to but the average man does not have three speeds adjustable and he doesn’t have a headlight on his head. 

The vibrator is now an iconic part of mass media from Burrough’s “Naked Lunch” and the Steely Dan to “Sex in the City” and damn it…just to shoe equal rights for men and women..there is now a National Masturbation Day in May in the United States. So what’s next…celebrity faced dildos” Rocky and Bullwinkle Vibrators? Atomic Powered Vibrators to produce mega-tons of orgasms? Solar Powered ones to save the planet while producing its own between the thighs rainforest?

Who knows..but it is a brave new world indeed and we owe the ancient Egyptians who showed us that bees not only make honey..they make honey dripping sex a self gratification pleasure…so walk like an Egyptian…and turn your Sphinx into an orgy for one…oh..and don’t forget the Masturbation Day Holiday Cards! Send one to someone you love..yourself!!

Sunday, August 18, 2013
Another Article About Sex (and Why That’s a Good Thing)

Ah, sex. It seems like it’s all around us, huh?

We can’t turn on the TV without seeing a scantly clad woman holding a beer teasing us to quench our “manly” thirst.

Or open our emails without receiving a barrage of spam promising us hot & horny women, bigger penises and affordable Viagra.

Or pass by a checkout counter without seeing women’s magazines offering advice for “5 Sexy Moves to Blow His Mind” or “How to Catch a Man (and Keep Him).”

From the evidence around us, it seems we are swimming in a sea of sex and it would make sense that many people are sick and tired are hearing about it.

However, the truth behind the “sexy” façade is this: sex sells, but sexuality does not.

Post an article on healing your sexuality and readers blast the entire comments section with angry cries of how the author is a “charlatan” or the publication is “selling out.”

Want to build your business using Facebook? Good luck if you are a sex educator. FB now blocks and even deactivates accounts that “violate their terms”—terms that are vague and vary on an hourly basis. Sex toy shops, sexuality teachers and even breastfeeding pages all face shutdown if enough “offended” people (aka angry and pissed off trolls with nothing better to do) file a complaint.

All the while profitable mega-businesses like Hustler and Playboy continue to operate unscathed in the social media world, despite the proliferation of asinine and even disturbing hashtags like #TittyTuesday, #MorningWood and #BarelyLegal.

The over-saturation of sex-like images in our culture is an example of what I call SEX-sationalism, which is the sensationalistic and commercial use of sexuality for the purpose of making a profit. Profit can mean anything from money to relationships to ego-validation. Like any drug, we need it, can’t live without it and have to have harder and harder hits in order to feel its mollifying effects.

We are talking around sex, but never actually experiencing it.

It’s as if we are in a restaurant looking at the menu, talking about the menu, smelling the menu, maybe even eating the menu, but not going anywhere near the food. We fill ourselves up with pseudo-orgasmic experiences, which leave us sexually bloated yet malnourished.

SEX-sationalism works for the business of sex, but not for sexual freedom. SEX-sationalism says “Drive this car” or “Subscribe to this site” or “Buy this handbag” and all your empty voids and insecurities will magically go away.

That is, of course, until you need the next “hit” of pseudo-orgasm.

While Sex-sationalism works from the outside-in (by telling us what is sexy and trying to sell it to us), sexuality works from the inside-out. Genuine orgasm teaches us that turn-on starts from within and that pleasure is our birthright and our most natural state of being.

SEX-sationlism depends upon its customers feeling “less than,” but sexuality teaches us that we are already perfect exactly as we are.

SEX-sationalism offers unsustainable quick fixes, but sexuality teaches us that it takes a commitment to presence, vulnerability and approval to plumb the rich and nourishing depths of orgasm.

When I talk about orgasm, I am not simply referring to that 30-second crashing sneeze known as climax. I mean that living, breathing, pulsing life force that births every moment.

Our cultural fear of the wild and humbling journey of orgasm is what keeps us locked in shame around sex and resorting to recesses of our shadows to steal a tiny taste of the erotic.

The erotic has much more than just the act of fucking.

Eros, the root word of erotic, is originally defined as a form of love connected to our fundamental creative impulses. It is directly linked to our feminine self-expression, power and genius. However when are we cut off from this source (as most of us are in this cut-throat and greed-driven society), we are left hollow, voiceless and searching for anything to smother the aching hunger for intimacy.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the way women are treated regarding sex.  In the US, women are fighting to maintain sexual rights in the realms of abortion and planned parenthood. Around the world, women face such atrocities as female circumcision, honor killings and sex trafficking and are routinely blamed and often punished for being rape victims (especially women who work in the sex industry, who are considered contaminated and sub-human in our society).

On the surface we go, “Yea, obviously rape and murder and mutilation are bad. Let’s do something about this.”

But when women speak up to reclaim our right as autonomous sexual beings, we are treated with derision and contempt.

To say that a woman has found her voice through knitting or singing or being a mother is worthy of applause and a 5-page spread in Ladies Home Journal.

But to say that a woman has found her voice through orgasm leads to everything from ridicule and accusations of being privileged man-haters to death threats and acts of violence.

We say that sex is all around us and that we are tired of hearing about it. I say we are not talking about it enough. The fact that we didn’t even know the full scope and power of the female clitoris until 4 years ago (yet had hundreds of studies documenting the function of the penis) is proof enough that even the medical field has a very cloistered and limited knowledge of sexuality.

Ultimately this post isn’t about shaming anyone who watches porn or reads Cosmo or doesn’t know the first thing about non-ejaculatory orgasms. It’s simply a call to action—a call to the courageous men and women who are willing to educate themselves, experiment with desire and free themselves from sexual shame, especially in the realm of feminine sexuality. From there, porn and Cosmo can be a conscious choice, rather than the default source of education and get-off.

So here’s to more posts about sexuality.

Here’s to giving voice to that part of ourselves that we’ve been so afraid to share.

Here’s to casting an honorable light on the journey to orgasm.

And here’s to ushering in a new perspective of sex: from sex as a bartering tool that wins us scraps of pseudo-orgasm to sex as an expression of our deepest truth.

 

Candice is currently working on a book to reintroduce the concept of eros back into sexuality. The book is called “From 6 to 9 and Beyond: Widening the Lens of Feminine Eroticism.” You can learn more about the project here.

Article adapted from its original appearance on elephantjournal.com

Monday, July 1, 2013
Are You Ready?

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